Medical Mania

Woohoo! It’s finally over! We’ve been dreading the eight-doctor medical for a year now, and we’re thrilled it’s over and we have medical clearance for court tomorrow. We had seen some pictures online of what the facility looked like but were unprepared for the peeling linoleum and old, broken, movie-theater chairs. When there was no answer to our knock on the office door, Igor called and was told they had moved to a brand-new wing just the day before. We were relieved. It still was far from what we were used to, but it was much better than we saw at first. It looked a lot like what I picture a medical office would look like in the 60’s. The three hours we spent there seemed like eight. Regardless of how it looked, we are just glad it is over!

The psychologist part of the exam was interesting. He asked me what rules my parents had, if they were strict, and if I realized I was doing wrong when I was punished. What? Has he been talking to my mom?!? :)

The highlight of our day (of course) was spending two more hours with Reagan. She cried just a little, but stopped in less than a minute. She came out of her shell more today. She played a lot with both me and Doug. She loves playing patty-cake and ride the horsey. It’s amazing to us how much she has changed in the last three months. She still likes some musical toys, but she prefers now to look at books and play with a stuffed Minnie Mouse we brought. She looks at Doug when I ask her - Where is Papa? We’re wondering how the transition will go from Papa to Daddy and especially Olga to Reagan.

They let us take her back to her room today. The caregiver let us take her picture with Reagan and showed us her bed (pictured above). We’re huge fans of Disney so we loved that she has a Minnie Mouse blanket!

We have another busy day tomorrow with court, notaries, more paperwork, etc. We’re nervous about breaking the little rules accidently (can’t cross legs, must stand if spoken to, etc.). I’m off to practice my speech!

Trip 2

We arrived in St. Petersburg last night for our court trip. The trip itself was (thankfully) less eventful this time. There was no run-in with security about the wallets we had hanging around our necks, we didn’t have to sit in middle seats so the flights were more pleasant, our layover in Frankfurt (Germany) was only 2 hours, and I was able to sleep a bit on the plane. We’re in a different hotel this time. It’s comfortable and westernized – the best part being we can actually control the temperature this time instead of just choosing between hot and hotter! Another plus – the water is not nearly as brown as it was in the last hotel. We still are not drinking it, but it’s not so disconcerting to shower in it!

The driver picked us up at 9:30 this morning to go to the orphanage. We were excited that we were finally going to see our baby girl again. I really thought I had a realistic expectation of today. I really did. I never envisioned that she would come running across the room and jump into our arms after not seeing us for three months, but I wasn’t quite prepared for what actually happened either. I wasn’t prepared for her to cry, scream, and kick (really hard I might add!) from not wanting to leave her caregiver. I kept telling myself – this is healthy; this is what I’ve read about that we should want. It means she can form good attachments and will be much less likely to suffer from an attachment disorder that many children suffer from who are adopted from orphanages. But I can’t say it didn’t bother me when she tried to run out of the room. While trying to comfort her, I tried to look on the bright side. At least she has found her voice (she was so quiet when we visited her in October), and she is walking really well now. In reality, it lasted less than 10 minutes, but I’m not going to lie and say that we weren’t saddened by it.

She did calm down and wanted to snuggle a bit. She is terribly congested and her face is quite irritated, so I’m sure her not feeling well played a part in her reaction. We were able to spend almost two hours with her today. In that time, we won her over again. We brought some of the toys she liked last time as well as the Gerber puffs she loved. She even let Doug hold her today, which took a few days last time. By the end of the visit, she was smiling and interacting well, even giving “love” by wanting to touch her forehead to mine. The time went much too quickly.

We wonder what she will think when we visit her for three days and then “disappear” again. We so wish we could bring her home this time! In our hearts, she has been ours for months now, but we are more than ready to make it official.

After returning from the orphanage, Doug and I decided to venture out a bit to find a place to eat lunch outside of the hotel and take a few pictures of some monuments we didn’t see on the first trip. Those were the plans, but after wandering around trying to find a restaurant and fighting the snow and biting wind, we decided that we would ask our driver tomorrow to slow down so we could take pictures out of the window from the warmth of the van instead! It is REALLY cold here!

The next 2 days will be busy and a bit stressful. Tomorrow, we have our 8-doctor medical to prove we are healthy enough to be parents, and then court is on Wednesday. We’re planning to visit Reagan on both days as well, but the visits will be shorter due to our time commitments and her nap schedule. We’re thankful for those precious minutes though and can’t wait for the day we no longer have to tell her goodbye.

It Feels Real Now

While I was driving to work this morning, it hit me (and I mean, really hit me) that I would be holding my baby girl soon. Not just in the “yes, I have xx many more days” way. But suddenly, it was so real to me that I could almost feel her in my arms and smell her sweet smell. I feel like I talk about crying in every post (and before this adoption process I really wasn’t a crier!), but again I felt the tears welling up. It seems so real now. After spending so long with just a notional idea of a child and then traveling around the world to actually meet her, it’s just hard for it to feel “real” at times. But now it IS real! She is really coming home!

Songs of My Heart

Throughout the years of infertility and miscarriages, there was one song that I clung to for hope. “He is able, he is able, to do what concerns me today…” Every time we sang it in church, the tears would inevitably come. I claimed it as my own through a very complicated pregnancy followed by the birth of our wonderful son.

When we began our adoption journey, I never imagined the twists and turns it would take. Law changes, region freezes, declined referrals which broke our hearts, and the seemingly never-ending waiting list made this journey to a child different but still very difficult. The song that kept coming to my mind this time was Mighty to Save.


Everyone needs compassion,
Love that's never failing;
Let mercy fall on me.

Everyone needs forgiveness,
The kindness of a Savior;
The Hope of nations.

Savior, He can move the mountains
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.…


The words gave me hope that He would move the mountains and obstacles standing between us and our daughter. Today in church, we sang it again, but this time there were happy tears knowing we will see Reagan again in just 8 days. As we travel back to St. Petersburg, we’ll do it with a song in our hearts.


Shine your light and let the whole world see,
We're singing for the glory of the risen King!

Savior, He can move the mountains
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.

Court Date

Just when we were wondering if the call would ever come, it did! We're leaving on January 30th for our court trip. We can't wait to see Reagan again! More to come later.

I Wish You Merry Christmas

OK, here I go with another sad, I'm missing my baby post. I noticed this song on the radio the other day, and now it seems like I hear it every few minutes. It never fails to bring tears to my eyes.


Merry Christmas (by Third Day)

There's a little girl trembling on a cold December morn
Crying for momma's arms
At an orphanage just outside a little China (for us, Russian) town
There the forgotten are

But half a world away I hang the stockings by the fire
And dream about the day when I can finally call you mine

It's Christmas time again but you're not home
Your family is here and yet you're somewhere else alone
And so tonight I pray that God will come and hold you in his arms
And tell you from my heart I wish you Merry Christmas

As I hang the tinsel on the tree and watch the twinkling lights
I'm warmed by the fire's glow
Outside the children tumble in a wonderland of white,
Make angels in the snow

But half a world away you try your best to fight the tears
And hope that heaven's angels come to carry you here

It's Christmas time again but you're not home
Your family is here and yet you're somewhere else alone
And so tonight I pray that God will come and hold you in his arms
And tell you from my heart I wish you Merry Christmas

Christmas is a time to celebrate the holy child
And we celebrate his perfect gift of love
He came to earth to give his life
And prepare a place for us
So we could have a home with him above

It's Christmas time again and now you're home
Your family is here so you will never be alone
So tonight before you go to sleep, I'll hold you in my arms
And I'll tell you from my heart, and I'll tell you from my heart
I wish you Merry Christmas

There's a Stocking Missing

As every adoptive parent knows, waiting can be terrible. I'm reminded of our daughter's absence every day. I thought the last two years of waiting was hard, but it was nothing compared to what I'm feeling now that I've held her and know who she is.

The Christmas season is making it even worse - I think of it as I hang the stockings and there is one missing, as I'm shopping and want to buy her presents, as I'm wanting her to see the lights and feel the magic. I pray she realizes some day how much we are missing her during this holiday season.

Even every day things such as picking up Parker from after school care and letting my eyes drift to the rooms with the younger children make me wish for her even more. Everywhere I go, the first question asked is - when do you go back? Oh, how I wish I knew when the phone would ring and we would know the date we would see her precious face again. I pray it comes soon.

There was an adoption newsletter that had the following song by Jim Brickman. We wish we could be with Reagan to celebrate Christmas, but for now we will send her a little Christmas.

Sending You a Little Christmas (by Jim Brickman)

A photograph, a blanket
Some mistletoe, confetti snow
An angel to put on a tree
Santa Clause in Crayon
To make you smile today
While you're so far away

So I'm sending you a little Christmas
Wrapped up with love
A little peace, a little light
To remind you of
How I'm waiting for you, praying for you
I wanted you to see
So I'm sending you a little Christmas
Till you come home to me

Some gingerbread, a candy cane
A stocking I made with your name
I filled it with your favorite things
A way to say I love you
Like kisses through the air
Hoping you'll feel me there

So I'm sending you a little Christmas
Wrapped up with love
A little peace, a little light
To remind you of
How I'm waiting for you, praying for you
I wanted you to see
So I'm sending you a little Christmas
Till you come home to me

Home, into these arms of mine
Home where you belong

So I'm sending you a little Christmas
Wrapped up with love
A little peace, a little light
To remind you of
How I'm waiting for you, praying for you
I wanted you to see

So I'm sending you a little Christmas
Till you come home

Home, till you come to me
Come home