I Wish You Merry Christmas

OK, here I go with another sad, I'm missing my baby post. I noticed this song on the radio the other day, and now it seems like I hear it every few minutes. It never fails to bring tears to my eyes.


Merry Christmas (by Third Day)

There's a little girl trembling on a cold December morn
Crying for momma's arms
At an orphanage just outside a little China (for us, Russian) town
There the forgotten are

But half a world away I hang the stockings by the fire
And dream about the day when I can finally call you mine

It's Christmas time again but you're not home
Your family is here and yet you're somewhere else alone
And so tonight I pray that God will come and hold you in his arms
And tell you from my heart I wish you Merry Christmas

As I hang the tinsel on the tree and watch the twinkling lights
I'm warmed by the fire's glow
Outside the children tumble in a wonderland of white,
Make angels in the snow

But half a world away you try your best to fight the tears
And hope that heaven's angels come to carry you here

It's Christmas time again but you're not home
Your family is here and yet you're somewhere else alone
And so tonight I pray that God will come and hold you in his arms
And tell you from my heart I wish you Merry Christmas

Christmas is a time to celebrate the holy child
And we celebrate his perfect gift of love
He came to earth to give his life
And prepare a place for us
So we could have a home with him above

It's Christmas time again and now you're home
Your family is here so you will never be alone
So tonight before you go to sleep, I'll hold you in my arms
And I'll tell you from my heart, and I'll tell you from my heart
I wish you Merry Christmas

There's a Stocking Missing

As every adoptive parent knows, waiting can be terrible. I'm reminded of our daughter's absence every day. I thought the last two years of waiting was hard, but it was nothing compared to what I'm feeling now that I've held her and know who she is.

The Christmas season is making it even worse - I think of it as I hang the stockings and there is one missing, as I'm shopping and want to buy her presents, as I'm wanting her to see the lights and feel the magic. I pray she realizes some day how much we are missing her during this holiday season.

Even every day things such as picking up Parker from after school care and letting my eyes drift to the rooms with the younger children make me wish for her even more. Everywhere I go, the first question asked is - when do you go back? Oh, how I wish I knew when the phone would ring and we would know the date we would see her precious face again. I pray it comes soon.

There was an adoption newsletter that had the following song by Jim Brickman. We wish we could be with Reagan to celebrate Christmas, but for now we will send her a little Christmas.

Sending You a Little Christmas (by Jim Brickman)

A photograph, a blanket
Some mistletoe, confetti snow
An angel to put on a tree
Santa Clause in Crayon
To make you smile today
While you're so far away

So I'm sending you a little Christmas
Wrapped up with love
A little peace, a little light
To remind you of
How I'm waiting for you, praying for you
I wanted you to see
So I'm sending you a little Christmas
Till you come home to me

Some gingerbread, a candy cane
A stocking I made with your name
I filled it with your favorite things
A way to say I love you
Like kisses through the air
Hoping you'll feel me there

So I'm sending you a little Christmas
Wrapped up with love
A little peace, a little light
To remind you of
How I'm waiting for you, praying for you
I wanted you to see
So I'm sending you a little Christmas
Till you come home to me

Home, into these arms of mine
Home where you belong

So I'm sending you a little Christmas
Wrapped up with love
A little peace, a little light
To remind you of
How I'm waiting for you, praying for you
I wanted you to see

So I'm sending you a little Christmas
Till you come home

Home, till you come to me
Come home

Pirates and Paperwork

Several people have told me that I need to update the blog to let everyone know that we aren’t still in the Yotel in Amsterdam. We did make it home in time to trick or treat with our handsome pirate. The flight home was a bit more uneventful than the flight there. We had better seats and there was no run-in with security about the cash I had hanging around my neck (so much for the secret wallet I wore on the way there). Reuniting with Parker was wonderful – it was so great to see him again. My brother and his wife did a great job with Parker while we were gone.

Our court documents have been approved by our adoption agency so the paperwork should be on its way to Russia this week. I feel like I should be making friends with the people who work at FedEx as much as I’ve been using their service. Igor will translate and turn everything in to the court; then a judge will review before issuing us a court date. I wish I could make it move faster!!!

Yo!

Yo! I’m writing this from the Yotel in the Amsterdam airport. When I said earlier that online this looked like a small cruise-ship cabin, make that about half the size of a cruise-ship cabin! It’s a good thing Doug and I love each other because this is definitely cozy! There is only a glass wall between the room and the bathroom. Glad we’re only here for one night!

We had a wonderful visit with Reagan – our best day yet. She has become quite attached to me this week and wanted to spend most of our time with me holding her, playing pattycake, and singing. She had so many smiles today! They let us have an hour and a half today since it was our last day, but the time still went too fast. Saying goodbye was heartbreaking. Of course, she doesn’t understand and was still all smiles while I was breaking down. We left the photo album so the caregivers could show it to her while we're gone. Hopefully, that will help her remember us when we return.

We’re heading home tomorrow and should land in time to take Parker trick-or-treating. We can’t wait to see our little guy – we’ve missed him terribly. Can’t wait until we have our family all home together.

Baby, It’s Cold Outside

It’s freezing here today! We even saw some snow. From what we’ve been told, this is the normal weather for this time of year. The rest of the week had just been unseasonably warm. I’m so glad I had my gloves and earmuffs and wish I had packed my hat as well.

We had a good visit with Reagan today. As soon as they brought her to the “visiting” room, she held her arms out for me. She was in a good mood with many smiles. There was big progress with “Papa” today – she sat in his lap and played for quite a while. She is fascinated by the texture of his face and is quite intrigued with whiskers. She is still enjoying her picture book I made her. She will now point to “Mama” and “Papa” (we'll change that to Mommy and Daddy later) when asked. I really hope they review it with her when we’re gone so she doesn’t forget us!

Knowing that tomorrow is my last day with her is heartbreaking. I can’t imagine leaving her here now that I’ve held her in my arms, smelled her sweet scent, and seen her adorable smile. She seems well cared for, the orphanage is nice and clean, and she looks well-fed so I know she will be fine. I know that in my head, but convincing my heart is a much tougher job.

After our visit with Reagan, we did some more sightseeing, trying to capture all we can about the city where she was born so we can share it with her some day. Today, we went to the Church of the Spilled Blood, bought Russian gifts for her, and went to Peter and Paul Fortress. I was fascinated by the architecture and the history; Doug’s favorite part was the statue of Peter the Great where his head looked way too small for his body. I don’t think the tour guide appreciated our laughter at the monument!

I’ve included a picture of what we’ve had to walk on during most of the sightseeing. I’ve been so careful about watching where I walk so I wouldn’t twist an ankle. The ironic thing is that I convinced Doug to venture out several blocks from the hotel tonight by ourselves to find an Italian place for dinner, and I didn’t see a step just inside the restaurant and fell flat on my face! I finally fit in with my black pants and black shoes and still made a spectacle of myself!

Tomorrow, we will be leaving directly from our visit with Reagan to head to the airport. We’ll fly to Amsterdam and spend the night there in the airport Yotel (which looks online much like a small cruise-ship cabin). That should be an adventure! Then Saturday, it’s on to Houston where hopefully we’ll be back in time to trick-or-treat with Parker.

Pictures above: 1. Reagan holding Daddy’s hand. 2. Church of the Spilled Blood 3. Peter the Great with the tiny head 4. Church at Peter and Paul Fortress 5. The street where I didn't trip

Not pictured: me actually tripping

Playtime and Palaces

Today, Reagan was in a more serious mood so it took a lot more effort to make her smile, but we did it. She was much more focused on playing today instead of wanting to be held as much. She is smart too! We were showing her the small picture album we brought for her and she was looking at the picture of her room. We pointed to her bed, Igor told her the word in Russian, and then I told her “bed”. Afterwards, we could ask her, “Where’s your bed?” and she would point to it. Yippee!

Today, we officially signed and accepted the referral in front of the social worker. She commented that Reagan looks a lot like me and that I had finally found my child. It brought tears to my eyes (again!).

After our visit, we had to make a stop at the American Medical Clinic. I’ve been fighting a couple of medical issues while I’ve been here and couldn’t put it off any more. I couldn’t believe I could go and tell them the name of the antibiotic I needed and was able to purchase it without a prescription. And the price wasn’t much more than my normal co-pay at home. I couldn’t believe it!

I want to take advantage of every minute we have here so we kept our plans to meet up with the tour guide and go to two palaces in Pushkin. They were beautiful!

I just can’t seem to fit in here! Doug and I bit the bullet and did not wear tennis shoes today even though we were sightseeing. Wouldn’t you know I still was laughed at for wearing khaki pants and Doug for wearing a yellow shirt? I’m getting a complex about being pointed at! Good grief! For trip 2, maybe I should pack only black from head to toe!

Sneak Peek

Okay, so maybe I won’t get in trouble if I show you just a piece of her. This picture was taken as I was carrying her back to her caregiver. I wasn’t allowed to enter the room, but I did grab the second picture of the playroom. I’m dying to see where she sleeps and eats, but it is rarely allowed. Also, we are now only allowed 1 hour per day with her. From what I understand, she didn’t behave too well after they took her from us yesterday. But what child wouldn’t be whiny when taken away from their mommy and daddy?

Today, she seemed to recognize us. She came to me immediately, and it didn’t take her too long to smile and play. The children rarely see men so it is taking her just a bit longer to warm up to Doug. She will play on the floor for just a little while, but then wants me to hold her again. Of course, I don’t mind. I love those snuggles!!

Throughout the happiness of meeting and bonding with our daughter, I’m continually thinking about Parker and how much we miss him. He’s having a tough time without us too, which makes it even harder. I wish so much that he could be here with us meeting his sister.

Today is warmer than normal here in St. Petersburg (50 degrees), but with a steady rain. At least we finally figured out how to turn off the furnace in our hotel room so we’re not quite as steamy! We still have to open the window several times per day to cool it off inside.

Tomorrow, we will be observed interacting with Reagan by a local social worker who will have to testify in court. Afterwards, we’re hoping for better weather so we can see a little more of the city.

She Feels Like Home

Today was very exciting and exhausting. Igor took us to the Ministry of Education where we were officially given our referral. I was expecting it to be more like a courtroom, but it was in a regular office, much more informal than I expected. After that, we were off to the orphanage. Reagan has grown so much since the pictures we were given in August, but her eyes looked exactly the same so we still recognized her. She was scared of us at first, but we won her over with Gerber puffs and some toys we had brought. We were able to spend over 2 hours with her. It didn’t take her too long to get used to us and want to play. Finally seeing her smile and laugh was an incredible experience. By the end, she wanted me to just hold her so she could snuggle into my neck. We were told that with the number of caregivers to children that the kids are rarely, if ever, held. I hope she felt the sense of home with me that I felt with her.

After she was taken back for her afternoon nap, we met with the head doctor to learn more about her history and to ask any questions. The orphanage was nicer than we expected although we only were allowed to see a waiting area and one music room. The pictures here are of the outside of the orphanage and the music room where we spent our time today.

Everyone has been wanting to see pictures, but from what I understand, we are not allowed to post pictures in any public forum (blogs, facebook, etc.). So sorry! We’ll have to wait until our second trip after court. For now, just trust me when I say she is adorable!!

Sightseeing in St. Petersburg

Igor arranged for a tour guide to meet us at our hotel and show us some of the city. Dasha, our tour guide, speaks excellent English and is very knowledgeable about the history of St. Petersburg. We went to St. Isaac’s square, St. Isaac’s cathedral, and The Hermitage. The architecture is amazing, and the art was breathtaking. It was amazing to see works of art by Rembrandt, Michelangelo, and Leonardo da Vinci.

Doug and I definitely stand out here! I think we were the only people in the city wearing tennis shoes. The women here wear dressy boots and dark coats, and long black coats seem to be the most popular choice in outerwear. Maybe by the end of the week we’ll become accustomed to people snickering at us or trying to sell things to the “A-meer-i-cans.” Tomorrow, I’m wearing black shoes!

Speaking of tomorrow, it’s only 19 hours until we meet out baby girl!

We Arrived!

We arrived on schedule in St. Petersburg. The flight from Houston to Amsterdam was miserable, but we found comfortable chairs for our layover and the flight from Amsterdam to St. Petersburg was much better. Our luggage arrived (what a relief), and we were met at the airport by Igor, our local coordinator from the adoption agency. We’re staying at the Courtyard Marriott, which is very westernized, a welcome feeling when everything else feels so foreign.

The temperature here is only 30-40 degrees, but it feels much colder with the constant dampness. It surprises me that it is so warm inside the buildings here, the heat is turned to a level that we find quite uncomfortable. Even in our hotel room, we have to turn off the heat altogether and open the outside window occasionally to cool off the room.

Igor tells us that the orphanage #16 is only 20 minutes from here. It’s so hard to know she is so close yet we still have to wait to see her. At least we’re counting hours now and not months or days!

Getting Ready

After 22 months, it seemed this time would never arrive. In three days, we’ll be leaving for Russia! Right now, life is a whirlwind of making lists, marking a few things off the lists, and then adding several more. I can’t imagine how we will get everything done by Friday, yet somehow I know we will. Just picturing that sweet little face is all the motivation we need!

Thinking about holding our baby girl on Monday brings tears to my eyes. I try to imagine how I will feel, and I keep coming back to the day Parker was born and I saw his face for the first time.

We should have some downtime in the hotel so I plan to post our progress. Wish us luck!